I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Your dad touched me again.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
