did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
should my penis look like a turkey
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
