I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I believe in your delicious
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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