Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
