my mouth tastes like poor choices
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
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i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
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Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize