Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
