When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
