Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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