I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
