Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
