The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
