hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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