Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
