Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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