It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
