How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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