omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
