i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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