I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
