we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
