Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
