By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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