So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
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You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
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Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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