Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
