Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
