My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
