Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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