I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
