They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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