apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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