I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
