update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
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If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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