remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
