I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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