Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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