I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
