i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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