did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
