did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you would pick up someone in the library
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hippo gnu deer
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
