I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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