Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i think im in europe. pls send help
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
