peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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