I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
