tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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