i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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