WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
