So drunk its hurt
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
