and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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