that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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