It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Found the puke drawer
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
