Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
