His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
