guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
