You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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