Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
