I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
