shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
