Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
