Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
