I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The uberlube is also flammable
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
