I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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