shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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