The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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