Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
