JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize