So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
