whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We got so high we made milksteak
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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