definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
