I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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