I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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