The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
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I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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