I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This girl is more easily done than said...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
