I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
3pm strippers are depressing
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
